Thursday, October 13, 2011

Living Ahead

My writings have been scarce lately, I know.  I have been battling many emotions this past month or so, and have been seeking God more because of it.  I praise Him for the valleys and I praise Him even more for the things He is revealing to me daily.  I have been struggling with living ahead in life.  Many months back, I wrote a post about a battle of perfection.  Yes, its true, I will admit it.  I struggle with perfection.  Not perfection in the way I look or how I am perceived.  Perfection with my life and the way it is lived out.  I struggle daily to have everything perfectly planned out, money in the bank, everything all neat and organized.  God has continually 'wrecked' my world (if you will) and reminded me this life is not all dandy and organized.  Its not about me, its not about everything being all neat and planned out.  Its about ME.  I must seek Him daily, build a relationship with my God and my desires should be HIS desires.

With that... I have struggled to live my life ahead.  Because I'm such a perfectionist in more ways than one, and because I tend to plan things out the way I do.  I live ahead far too often.  I tend to miss out on what is the present and instead living in the future.  I think it all started when I began photographing weddings.  Brides booking their big days nearly a year in advance, and me planning out the year ahead.  I was somewhat forced to live ahead.  But then that escalated into my personal life.  I was determined I needed to plan my vacations VERY far in advance, finish my Christmas shopping as early as possible (which I'm already finished as I write), plan out birthday bashes months prior and begin preparing for the exciting holidays still to come.  Not that these things are bad - they're not.  

But.... I have found recently, that I am now missing out on what is in front of me.  I'm too busy planning all of the exciting things we will do at Christmas as a family, and Katherine Grace's 1st birthday party - that I am currently missing out on all that life has to bring in this moment.  I fear one day I will look back and regret living ahead and realize all that I missed out on.  Its hard, I won't lie.  

Because of my line of work - weddings rarely take place in the late winter months.  Dec, Jan and Feb are the slowest times of year for us.  So... because of that - I decided to learn to sit, relax and enjoy these months with my family, embrace the reasons for Christmas and why we celebrate this beautiful 'holiday'.  Seek Him more daily, not just during these months and really seek the desires of HIS heart, and not my own.  I am thankful for this down time and for the reminders to live in the present and not in the future.  After all, God does not promise us tomorrow.

Lastly, I recently picked up Katie Davis' new book, Kisses from Katie.  

Wow, talk about perspective and a heart that seeks after Him.  Love that girl and love her willingness to obey.  I want to be more like her. But not just like her, I want to be more like HIM.  This book is so inspiring and encouraging.  Definitely a must read!  I can hardly put it down and found myself crawling out of bed this morning at the crack of dawn to dig in deep and read her words.  I pray I will seek the Lord in such a way that He can use me in BIG ways!

Until then... Brantley