Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Blessings come through tears

The song right now that is playing on my IPod is Blessings by Laura's Story.  This song hits me with a ton of bricks each morning as I sit and pray.  I love it!  

It convicts me in so many ways and reminds me of how God is near.  Sometimes we may not feel Him because things just seem so big and so painful at the moment, and we feel like He's left us all alone.  But on the contrary... He ALWAYS finds way to make himself evident when I'm going through trials!  I'll never forget our adoption journey.  I don't like to call it a process or anything... because I feel very confident that it is fact a journey.  One in which God is calling me, teaching me and growing me!  I'll never forget the "last days" leading up to the day we received OUR call.

 I'll never forget the tears I shed and the raw emotions that I felt.  Although to the outside world our journey was very short  (8 1/2 months short)... it felt like ages to us.  I won't get started on that battle right now.  But the truth is... during that last month... God used me, he molded me and he broke me.  Those moments of feeling so desperate for comfort... and the moments of total surrender to my God!  I'll never forget the feeling of Him wrapping his loving arms around me I wept on my bed each day for MANY days.  I never forget crying out to Him begging him to remove this pain and these tears from my eyes.  

But what I know now... and what I would soon find out just a few short weeks later...
was that God was preparing our hearts for what was ahead.  He was breaking me and placing me right where he wanted me.  It wasn't a place of contentment for me, instead it was a place of surrender... a place where I had to let go of my own emotions, my own feelings, my own story... and to ALLOW him to tell the story that HE had.  And oh how beautiful HIS story is!

I am reminded by the words in this song that not all blessings come from things we pray for and they magically happen the way we wanted.  So often the blessings in our life come from the tears we shed, the moments in which he breaks us down and asks us to surrender.  I am awe of our God and the blessings He gives us!  Thank you Lord for the tears!  As hard as they came be in the moments, they build us up and they help to grow us to handle what is next!

What are the blessings in your life and how has God used you?

Until then... Brantley


Amanda said...

Wow, this is one of those posts that feels like it was written for your ownself. I battle infertility and went thru it before conceiving my daughter, Preslei. Those were the most agonizing times of my life yet so rewarding. We are going down the same road yet again trying to conceive our second child and as hard and trying it is, I know that God is using this for good. No one wants to go thru the fear and anxiety of not being one of the fortunate fertile ones, but I have always said that I am so glad He chose me to walk down this journey because not only has it made me a stronger person but it has grown my faith in Him immensely. There are days when I feel like a failure and when I don't understand "what I did to deserve this" and am impatient (I am human of course, lol) but after my pity parties, I just praise my God for all the blessings he has already bestowed upon my family. The main one is my spunky 3 year old Preslei. We are happy, healthy and are a family filled with love and what more could anyone ask for?! Even on those dark days, I will pick myself right back up and praise Him thru this storm because we all know there is always a rainbow at the end of every storm.


Lauren said...

wonderful post! This song is so special for me too... full of TRUTH!