Where oh where does this momma even begin. Yesterday (Friday), started out as normal as any Friday would. Only I had asked my mom for a little help due to the yucky weather... and I needed to run some errands (you know... diapers, etc!). Anyway... she stayed with Katherine Grace while I went out and picked up a few things. When I came back, my mom had said she was fussy and wasn't eating very well. After she left, I tried putting Katherine Grace down for a little nap. She wouldn't sleep to save her life! Finally, after laying her on the couch with me... she fell alseep. I then carried her into her nursery and laid her gently in her crib. Only to then run back in there about 15 minutes later to a baby scalding hot, and beat red! I instantly grabbed my warm baby and grabbed the thermometer. The number I was seeing was soaring until it abruptly stopped at 101!!!! I haven't felt so panicked as I did at that moment! I knew something wasn't right! I immediately called the pediatrician and they asked me to hurry and bring her in.
They ran all sorts of tests, checked for rsv and several other things. Everything was coming back negative, however her white counts were very high. Our doctor admitted her to the hospital and here we lay on a cot in her hospital room. We've been here since yesterday afternoon. The things this poor baby has been through in the last 24 hours is absolutely heartbreaking. I wouldn't wish these things on anyone's baby - EVER! She's so helpless and for the first time - I felt so helpless since having her in our lives. Our journey to bring us home brought us to our knees and He was in control. He had to make us really realize that in order for us to let go. Since bringing her home... this was my reminder as God tugged at my heart strings and said, "its going to be okay, just let go and surrender!". I felt scared, helpless, terrified thinking such horrible things. In my head I kept fearing we were going to lose her (probably not smart), but that is where my head went. I took a shower in the hospital room shower, and cried these little eyes our for a good 10 or 15 minutes. I kept asking, "Lord please don't take her away from us!" "We love her so much and do not want to say goodbye!"
First of all... I'm crazy emotional and in NO WAY to they think anything bad is going to happen to her. Everything is looking good and her levels are beginning to level back out. But that is just where this momma's head went. :( It quickly reminded me of the cross and all that Jesus went through. Although this is a pale comparison... its the closest thing I have to see. I can't imagine letting your child go. Again... me... crazy momma.... please ignore me! I'm beyond emotional thinking the worse.
Anyway, God has been so gracious and put some amazing doctors and nurses on her team! They have ALL been soooo good to us. Although I will probably be just as crazy today, since getting no sleep due to the nurses coming in and out every 30 minutes to change IVs, and check temps and heart rates consistantly.... I'm more optimistic! Praising the Lord for my little girl and praising Him for healing her. The doctor came in early this morning, around 5:50-6:00am. He told us most of the results from her spinal tap came back looking better than they had thought, but they want to keep her another 24-48 hours to keep a close eye on her. Anyway.... my reason for telling you her story is for your prayers. We love our baby girl and feel so incredibly blessed to have her in our lives. God is GOOD! And another amazing moment... this morning I realized I would have left for the Created to Care retreat yesterday. It was held in GA, and thankfully after getting placed and knowing she would only be a month old, decided that wasn't the best decision for our family quite yet. As sad as I was yesterday morning reading blog posts of all my fellow blogging friends getting excited about heading up - I now realize God had a much bigger purpose for me not going.
I praise Him this morning for His beautiful plans! Thank you Lord for your protection and care!
Please keep praying for us and for Katherine Grace! Until then... Brantley