This is the question I have asked myself time and time again. Where are you God? Where are you when the world seems to be crashing around in front of my eyes? Where are you when these horrible things seem to be happening to these 'good' people? Where Lord, where?
I don't proclaim to have the answers to these questions, however, I do have a bit more understanding than in the past. Over my short life of 26 years on this earth, I am learning to SEE Him in the pit of despair, in those moments when all seems so wrong and everything is going wrong. Although, the things that I have experienced in 26 short years may seem minuscule, to me, they are far from that! They are trials, they are hard and they definitely test my faith daily! But, I'm learning to SEE what God is trying to do. I'm seeking Him more and asking, "Lord, what are you trying to show me? What are you trying to teach me in this?" And trust me, if you seek Him and if you surrender fully and ask, I promise, He will guide you and He will show you a way. What a comfort that has been to me.
This, by far, doesn't mean I have it all figured out! Heck no, far from it. But I'm learning to trust my Savior more in life, knowing that He has this all in His hands and its under His control... not my own! When you finally get that [I mean REALLY get that], you will begin to SEE things you never saw before.
Throughout this adoption journey, I have SEEN Him in ways I never dreamed of. I am learning and being molded into the woman He wants me to become [still be molded I should say! haha]. My desires are changing, and ones that I never thought they would become. My passions in life are becoming ones that only He could have given to me. My work, which consumed me far too much in the past, is slowly becoming a distant part of me. And I like that! My passions are now that of saving the orphans, and spreading the word, teaching those about them and how God has called us to reach out and love them! I want to be apart of His plan, to be selfless more, to love more, to be passionate more in the ways He wants for me to be passionate! I am slowly realizing that His story is FAR GREATER than my own and if I can be apart of His... why on earth would I want to write my own? Our adoption has been, what I believe, a way for God to reach us! He is using us, and using this adoption to open our eyes to so much more than just our "adoption"! I believe, He has made this all apart of His plan... to open our eyes more to SEE things... SEE the whole picture! He's probably screaming at us right now, asking "HELLO DOWN THERE, NOW DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M TRYING TO SHOW YOU?" haha That's what I envision in my head anyway!
Now, you're probably trying to figure out my post here! Its okay, because I'm not really sure what my post is meant to be about. I'm a little scatterbrained with a thousand different emotions going through me right now! I am thankful, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I am thankful for Christ showing me these things in a way that I could have never written out myself. He is writing this beautiful story, using me as the cast! And I am thankful to be apart of this story!!! I am thankful to be apart of the many trials, the many ups and downs and roller coaster rides I have been on this past year! Even though when we're in the midst of them, they seem unfair and so unbearable... He is showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. THIS... is all apart of His glorious plan... HIS STORY! And we're simply along for the ride.
Please continue to pray for us and our family! So many changes, so many trials and such a beautiful story! But thank you nonetheless for letting us be apart of it!
Until then... Brantley