Where do I even begin with this post? This morning, like many others lately has been filled with tears. Tears of joy, excitement and even earnest cries to my savior! As time is growing closer and closer to the "waiting list", I'm growing more and more fearful of the unknown. MONEY! Its eating me up inside. From the days and months leading up to starting this journey, we prayed desperately for provision. You see, I don't doubt for a split second in this plan God has laid out for us. I KNOW that God has called us to bring a child into lives through adoption! That has been made clear without any hesitation. Not only am I clear on that, but I also believe that He has a plan and will provide.
I won't lie though, some days I go over our finances again, thinking... surely we can come up with some more money from somewhere! But nope, we've cut corners in every possible way. We've done fundraisers galore, sold t-shirts (and still have plenty!), made ornaments, yard sale (praise God!), sold prints, giveaways, photography sessions and the list goes on. While we're so blessed to have been provided what we have so far, we still have such a long way to go. This is Satan attacking us, I know he is. He is trying so hard to bring us down and take away this beautiful joy that we have. And... I know that God has been preparing our hearts for this journey and the financial side for many many years. Even when Richard and I first got married. A year into it when we trusted in him and signed a three year lease on our studio. We prayed and seeked after Him, longing for the answers, especially in this economy. But, we knew God had other plans for that studio too... plans to serve! Well, the very next day after signing our lease... Richard lost his job! Talk about some life changing moments! It was HARD, I won't lie, HARD! But He is so faithful and He provided! Only He could have worked the amazing miracles from that very hard time in our lives.
And now, looking back at so many crazy times in my life, Richard's life, and our lives together... its all making sense! All the little pieces are coming together! And He is telling such a wonderful story through our lives! This what gives me hope. As well as, beautiful stories of faithfulness like this...
One of the very first (of MANY) blogs I started following was Lauren's blog. She is adopting a precious child from Ethiopia and she has been so encouraging on her blog. She is real and open about her feelings, prayers and it reflects into her words. This morning's post was especially encouraging for us. Check it out HERE . I know that I can sound pretty discouraging at times, and don't give off too many impressions that we trust God... but we do! I'm trying so desperately for that to reflect into my words and feelings on this blog. Well, today was one of those mornings when I woke up, sat on my couch and just cried! I prayed to God... asking, what do you have for us? This is HARD, oh so hard! I know you have not called us to live easy and painless lives. But this is really hard! Each day for the past few weeks, I have been struggling, praying what my sister calls, the impossible prayer. This caught my attention and I like the term. Because, to the outside world, it is impossible. What I right about daily, what I pray about each day, what I speak for... its impossible to most.
But its really not! Not if we seek Him, earnestly seek Him! Not if we trust in our savior knowing without a doubt He can and He will provide [in His own ways and His own timing!] This Impossible prayer is so piddly... so small to one who made the universe and created this little baby that one day we will hold in our arms! This $8,000 or so thousand that we still have to raise... that is so small to Him! After all, He can turn water in wine! He can do so much more and this isn't really impossible! So many keep telling us... take out a loan! It doesn't really matter. Well, you're right, it may not matter in the long run... but why not continue to try, and continue pray if deep down I know that God can provide for us! I'm not saying its bad to take out a loan, its just that I don't want to go into debt knowing that God's work isn't even finished! We hear discouraging words daily... wow, that's such an impossible amount to raise in such a short time. It seems so unrealistic to ask people to help you in this tough economy.
And all of these are so true. However, I had yet another glimpse of encouragement on Sunday morning when helping with the 3's and 4's at our church. One of the mom's brought her children in, she was talking to us and asking if we had any kids. We told her we do, we just haven't met them yet! We're adopting. She smiled. We spoke a little more and she pulled out an envelope with some cash in it. She smiled again with sweet, soft spoken words and said this is for you. I instantly cried... not even really knowing how much was in it, I cried. The amount didn't matter to me at that moment. It was the fact that someone who we had met for the first time at that very moment, felt compelled to give us money for our adoption. In such a selfless manner, not even knowing who we were or if we'd really put it towards our adoption. Well, we did. Its in the bank right now... and it was $20! To some, that seems so small... to me... that was the most generous gift we've received thus far. I was so BIG in my eyes, at that very moment. That was God's little reminder that there is HOPE. :)
My prayer this morning is to trust, to trust that only God can fulfill the impossible prayer! Only He can provide what so many think is so impossible to achieve! Please continue to pray with us and for us! Please pray the impossible prayer!
Until then, Brantley