Today has been an especially emotional day for me. For many reasons, I guess. It started off great, but as the day went on I found myself thinking about others and what they have. So many around me are getting pregnant, some having their babies and others are getting their babies after being on the wait list. While this is so exciting, I'm realizing how difficult it really is for me. I didn't think it would be, but it is. I'm trying so hard to deal with it, and pray for God's comfort. I know He is there and I have no reason to be sad at this moment. I just am. As I was sitting in my bed just now trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about my cousin. She just gave birth just yesterday, right at 24 hours ago to a healthy baby boy. Its their first baby and I'm so happy for them. I was thinking about what that must be like to be in the hospital, preparing for the delivery of their baby, and being joyful! Knowing, at the end of their stay, they will take their sweet baby home with them.
Well, for our future birth mom and many others, that isn't the case. I think about her and what she will go through when the time comes for her to deliver. When she's sitting in that hospital room knowing all too well what is soon to come. Knowing she will soon face one of the most difficult experiences of her life, saying goodbye to her baby. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Rejoicing in what will be such a happy day for us, yet such a sad day for her. That breaks my heart. You see, what is giving me comfort on days like today, is knowing that God has given our baby to someone else first. I may not be physically caring this precious child inside me, counting down the days until I give birth... but I am praying and preparing a place for this baby. I am waiting so anxiously for the day when I can hold that baby in my arms and know that God has given us this child. This baby is our baby, and oh how I will rejoice in the day when I finally meet him/her!
Even though days like today are hard... for various reasons that seem so piddly from the outside. I trust that even though I don't know the number of days until I meet our baby, I do know that God knows! He has already prepared our hearts, He's simply working out His beautiful plan and telling the story. His story, by using us to tell it. I feel so honored! But for now, we wait and we pray. We pray for a healthy baby to love and hold! I can't wait!
Until then... Brantley