Monday, July 12, 2010

In my clever attempts to write something inspiring, or maybe even exciting to read... I'm struggling to make it happen.  These past few months have been some of the most difficult, yet exciting months of my life.  And although they are to me, I know they aren't to everyone else.  I've been struggling with rude comments, lack of attention (regarding our adoption) and just people not being interested in our story.  I know this sounds so selfish, but the truth is, it hurts!  I can't control how I feel, but as promised in my very first entry on this blog... I'm all about the truth (even when its not good news).  I want this entire journey to be documented through my blog, with pure honesty and a true understanding about adoption and all that comes with it.  At first, it was all happy thoughts, scriptures with optimism, and encouragement.  And although there is still plenty of that to go around... there is also quite a bit of the opposite that comes with the territory.

Now, before you get completely turned off and decide not to read this post... let me start by saying a few really positive things.  God is Good!  Richard and I have been blessed in more ways that I can possibly count!  Yesterday, we went into downtown Columbia and rented a nice and BIG storage unit!  You see, we were completely out of room in my parent's house, and quickly nearing it in ours.  So, we thought, since more is coming in daily, we decided to go ahead and put everything in one place.  Guys, I knew we had a lot, but when it all ended up inside that unit, I just wanted to cry.  Yep, go figure, CRY!  haha  (I've been doing enough of that lately)  It was jammed full of stuff!  And today, we're planning to go to Irmo and pick up a large entertainment unit and tv from someone who found out about our sale.  Its just awesome to see how God is blessing us through so many wonderful people, and so many people that we've never even met (until now).  Okay... so back to my change of mood again....

This is the part where I begin to struggle.  We're struggling because so much of this love is coming from those whom we barely know, and most, don't know at all.  We're struggling because the love that we're yearning for so badly from those closest to us, well, it just isn't there.  Its tearing us up inside and causing us to lose sight of all that God has for us!  We're trying desperately to stay focused on the journey and know that God has an amazing plan and has been so awesome to include us in on it!  We're trying to stay focused on this glorious prize that God has for us.... this precious baby that we know is waiting for us.  We're trying so hard to use this time to honor Him, and to bring glory to Him, and not ourselves!  We're trying so desperately for Christ to be the center of our focus and to lean on Him completely.  Whew.... okay, I'm on rant now!  But in all honesty, this is definitely becoming a struggle.  I know without a doubt in my heart, this is the devil trying so hard to steal our joy and take away every good and perfect gift that God is giving to us.  And although these are struggles, and yes, they hurt so badly - we're trying to focus on those friends and family that are sticking by our side, praying for us, encouraging us & showing their support to us... even when its now fun for them.

So, thank you to those who have stuck by our sides and been a rock for us to lean on.  I know it sounds so cheesey, but its true.  We need support, we need friendship and love!  This is a difficult time, and although there are so many exciting times that come with it, that doesn't change that it's difficult.  We need your support and encouragement to keep us focused!  And in those exciting times, we want people around us to be excited with us!  Am I alone when I say this is something that I desire?  Some days I feel like I am.  When a friend finds out there pregnant and everyone crowds around them in joy and excitement... doesn't that feel good???  I won't lie, I crave that!  

So... with all that being said, I'm sorry for the bitterness that seems to be coming from inside.  I promise, trying so hard not to be bitter.  It always helps when I'm honest with my emotions, and say them out loud.  I hope this wasn't too much for one post, sorry if it was.  I promise, a more exciting post to come tomorrow.  This is your last chance to enter the giveaway!!!!  Deadline to enter is tomorrow (Tues) at 5:00pm.  Don't wait... ENTER!!!

Until then, Brantley


Leigh said...

I know what you are going through, we have been there. We have wondered and prayed and questioned and cried, we have lost friends. Brantley, you aren't the person you were when you started this journey, you have changed. God has used your baby to break your heart for what breaks His and you will never be the same. For some people, they just can't handle that change in you. Your life challenges them to think in way they don't want to and they just don't want to deal with it. It's sad and hurts but it's true. On the flip side life is so much more beautiful when you are following His will for it. You will gain friends through this adoption and you will see who your real friends are and sometimes those are total strangers, as weird as that is. I know nothing I have sad will take the pain you are feeling right now away but sometimes it's nice just to know that you aren't the only one going through something. Also, it does get easier with time. Praying for you!

Brantley and Richard said...

Thank you Leigh. You are so right, and it does help knowing we're not alone in this. We have met some incredible people through this journey, and it is comforting knowing that. Leigh, you are one of those and its exciting getting to share in all of this together! Thank you for your encouragement!

Our Journey Together said...

Hey Brantley, You photographed my wedding last April in myrtle beach and I have been following you blog about your adoption.
I know it is so hard to be so passionate about something so special and not have all the support from family and friends that you feel you should. Just remember you and your husband are on a journey that is meant for you two to follow and glorify the Lord. I wish you and your husband our love and prayers in your extraordinary journey.
Your blog is such an inspiration to read.
Shelley Sutton-Lanpher

Brantley and Richard said...

Shelley! Oh my goodness its so good to hear from you! Thank you for sharing such sweet words! We're trying so hard to stay focused, but we really appreciate the encouragement! Its so wonderful hearing that others are being inspired by our blog. :) Thank you guys!

The Wife said...

Brantley- I am so glad to have met you and am truly inspired by y'alls story! I can't wait to stay updated here! I am your newest follower!

Wanda said...

Brantley and Richard:
I think it is a blessing that you are receiving such love and support from so many friends and family members. I do realize there are some family members that just haven't pulled through on this, but stay focused and love the support and encouragement that you have. God is blessing you and He can make things happen that look impossible!

Love - Mom and Dad

Timothy and Holly said...

Brantley, I too know how badly it feels to be beaming inside and yet no one else understands that you also want the attention of being "pregnant." After all we are going to have a baby anyday. It's like I'm fullterm. I was inspired today by my devotion. Mark 6. Even Jesus' hometown didn't appreciate his miracles. So I just wanted to tell you that you are in GREAT company. I just don't think some people know how to act. I pray for understanding for both of our families! See you tomorrow.