In my clever attempts to write something inspiring, or maybe even exciting to read... I'm struggling to make it happen. These past few months have been some of the most difficult, yet exciting months of my life. And although they are to me, I know they aren't to everyone else. I've been struggling with rude comments, lack of attention (regarding our adoption) and just people not being interested in our story. I know this sounds so selfish, but the truth is, it hurts! I can't control how I feel, but as promised in my very first entry on this blog... I'm all about the truth (even when its not good news). I want this entire journey to be documented through my blog, with pure honesty and a true understanding about adoption and all that comes with it. At first, it was all happy thoughts, scriptures with optimism, and encouragement. And although there is still plenty of that to go around... there is also quite a bit of the opposite that comes with the territory.
Now, before you get completely turned off and decide not to read this post... let me start by saying a few really positive things. God is Good! Richard and I have been blessed in more ways that I can possibly count! Yesterday, we went into downtown Columbia and rented a nice and BIG storage unit! You see, we were completely out of room in my parent's house, and quickly nearing it in ours. So, we thought, since more is coming in daily, we decided to go ahead and put everything in one place. Guys, I knew we had a lot, but when it all ended up inside that unit, I just wanted to cry. Yep, go figure, CRY! haha (I've been doing enough of that lately) It was jammed full of stuff! And today, we're planning to go to Irmo and pick up a large entertainment unit and tv from someone who found out about our sale. Its just awesome to see how God is blessing us through so many wonderful people, and so many people that we've never even met (until now). Okay... so back to my change of mood again....
This is the part where I begin to struggle. We're struggling because so much of this love is coming from those whom we barely know, and most, don't know at all. We're struggling because the love that we're yearning for so badly from those closest to us, well, it just isn't there. Its tearing us up inside and causing us to lose sight of all that God has for us! We're trying desperately to stay focused on the journey and know that God has an amazing plan and has been so awesome to include us in on it! We're trying to stay focused on this glorious prize that God has for us.... this precious baby that we know is waiting for us. We're trying so hard to use this time to honor Him, and to bring glory to Him, and not ourselves! We're trying so desperately for Christ to be the center of our focus and to lean on Him completely. Whew.... okay, I'm on rant now! But in all honesty, this is definitely becoming a struggle. I know without a doubt in my heart, this is the devil trying so hard to steal our joy and take away every good and perfect gift that God is giving to us. And although these are struggles, and yes, they hurt so badly - we're trying to focus on those friends and family that are sticking by our side, praying for us, encouraging us & showing their support to us... even when its now fun for them.
So, thank you to those who have stuck by our sides and been a rock for us to lean on. I know it sounds so cheesey, but its true. We need support, we need friendship and love! This is a difficult time, and although there are so many exciting times that come with it, that doesn't change that it's difficult. We need your support and encouragement to keep us focused! And in those exciting times, we want people around us to be excited with us! Am I alone when I say this is something that I desire? Some days I feel like I am. When a friend finds out there pregnant and everyone crowds around them in joy and excitement... doesn't that feel good??? I won't lie, I crave that!
So... with all that being said, I'm sorry for the bitterness that seems to be coming from inside. I promise, trying so hard not to be bitter. It always helps when I'm honest with my emotions, and say them out loud. I hope this wasn't too much for one post, sorry if it was. I promise, a more exciting post to come tomorrow. This is your last chance to enter the giveaway!!!! Deadline to enter is tomorrow (Tues) at 5:00pm. Don't wait... ENTER!!!
Until then, Brantley