This weekend was very hard for me, so many things have been getting me down and really discouraging me. I'm trying so hard to be optimistic and know that ALL of these things are in God's hands. But I'll admit, its still hard even knowing that. I can really feel Satan trying to steal my joy! That makes me mad, and I refuse to let him! I must stand strong and stay in the Word! My God is so much stronger!
Richard and I are having a very hard time dealing with his parent's. Some of you who have been reading from the beginning, know that our relationship with parent's is tense. Throughout this post, please know that we are not saying these things to bash them, hate on them or anything like that. As promised from the beginning, this is where I am candid and 100% honest about things in our lives - both good and bad. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that not so good. We have been praying so hard for our relationship to be restored with them and to love on them no matter what. But, there are so many days when I just want to give up. Quite a few times, we have had to distance ourselves from them to protect ourselves and our own emotions. We're quickly realizing, that doesn't change a whole lot.
From the day we told them about our plans to adopt, they have been everything but supportive of us. They constantly ask us why! They tell their friends that we're adopting and that they don't get it. They call us and drill us on why we're doing what we're doing. Its a never ending battle of understanding with them. Its taking a toll on us both and making it very difficult to have a relationship with them. Over the weekend, Richard and I were out driving and they called. His mom was asking some simple questions and then jumped right in with the adoption questions again. She asked to speak to me and so Richard handed me the phone. She asked if I could not have children of our own, and I said I wasn't sure. She asked again, why are we adopting??? She doesn't understand why we would do this. They have even gone as far to say that they will "try to love our child" in the same way they would if he/she was our own! We've had these conversations with them so many times and have been so patient with them in explaining ourselves. I don't feel an explanation is due, but we're trying. I finally told her again for the last time, because this is what we're passionate about, and it doesn't matter why we're doing it, we just are! The ''why'' is not important. I asked her to please just be supportive and stop asking questions on why. Adoption is simply another way to have a child for us.
Anyway, the conversation didn't end on the most positive note. We're just having a really hard time trying to deal with this. We're afraid its going to come down to not having them in our lives anymore. We don't want it to come to this. However, we must and we will protect our child first and foremost! I refuse to allow our child to feel any less because we did not birth them. The fact is, God has called us to adopt a child and this child will be ours! We firmly believe that God already has a child for us. Please pray for us as we continue to feel the weight of this. We know that Satan is doing everything in his power to bring us down. We're trying to keep our eyes focused on the journey and trust in the Lord for things to work out in His timing!
Sorry for the long message, and no pictures! Hope you have a wonderful day!
Until then, Brantley