Obviously, each day consists of multiple things. We're not planning yard sales, picking out baby stuff or filling out adoption paperwork every single day. However, most days we are thinking about those things, and most of all, our baby. We think constantly, "will we have a happy baby who smiles all the time?" - "what will our baby look like, will he/she have dark hair or a bald head?" - "will we have a girl or boy?". Those thoughts come into our minds non-stop! And I'm okay with that, sometimes its fun just to sit and think about who our baby will be, what he/she will look like and what type of personality they will have! Its so exciting. But as I sat on Monday evening typing up our final post on the yard sale, things starting feeling much more real than that. Almost scary to be honest. I am going to be a MOM and my life will soon be forever changed!
I thought about the selfish things like, my personal time, long showers in the mornings, my quiet time sitting on the couch and sipping my coffee. I thought about Richard and I having lazy evenings sitting on the couch talking and watching our favorite shows. All of those times we randomly decide to go out for a drive. Or even those weekends we have off when we just want to flee down and go for a road trip. All of these things have been coming into my mind. They will all soon go away! And yes, that scares me, because I am a selfish person and I like having that freedom that we have now! All at the same time, I think about the responsibility and dependence of having a little one in our home. Not a child we're babysitting, or just playing with for the afternoon.... but OUR baby.
I am so thankful to have these moments right now, where I can take in all of those things. To know, without a doubt, Christ has us here, right where He wants us. Its the most comforting feeling I can possibly explain. Obviously, He is ready for me to give us my selfish ways, and give to another. Its so exciting, but its definitely becoming more and more real to me. I've started visualizing waking up with a baby in what is now an empty crib. I've started seeing my morning routine change drastically, and thinking how my freedom is about to change entirely! But all for one very special baby! And that is what is giving me the comfort to move forward. Knowing that I am walking alongside Christ as He, and He only, leads us down this path. He is giving us a baby, a very special child whom we get to LOVE so freely, hold in our arms, and raise in a Christ-Centered home! A home in which they may not have ever had that chance to come to know the amazing God who really brought them into this world.
I find peace knowing that we have been chosen to be those parents. That Christ has picked Richard and I out of so many people in this world, to be the providers and protectors of this sweet, precious child! Oh how I cannot wait! Praise God for all of the little miracles and those daily reminders of how beautiful life can be. Thank you, Lord, for this wonderful journey you have us on.
Until then, Brantley