This past week I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride. I'm not exactly sure what's up with my emotions, I just believe God is really working in my heart right now. Although we're in the same place we were last week, things are just feeling more real to me. Its crazy, but they are. I know I have said it over and over again, but the support and prayers that have been flooding in have been just that, overwhelming! I am so greatful, I just don't even know how to express it anymore. Going into this, I honestly didn't think I would get a very good response for the yard sale, but each day we have received new things to add to the sale. I will be forever greatful to each of you who have prayed for us, donated to our cause and been there for support! For today, since I am on such an emotional ride right now, I wanted to share something very personal with you. This is a letter I wrote to our future birthmother back in May. I tear up just thinking about what that mother is preparing to do as I speak, what she will do when day when she hands her baby that she has been with for the last nine months, to me. Again, these are very personal thoughts and emotions that I wrote last month. I am putting everything that I wrote on paper, in this post. So, enjoy.
Today, Monday, May 31, 2010 (Memorial Day) at 10:21am, I am thinking of you. I don't even know you, nor have I met or been placed with this baby yet. You see, we are still in early stages of our adoption journey. We've only completed the basic steps at this time and are anxiously awaiting July 9th for our orientation. Regardless, we are eagerly awaiting the day we meet out baby, our sweet precious child. The past few days I have been reading a book called, Dear Birthmother. It is packed full of emotional letters to the birthmothers and also from the birthmothers to the child. I have been crying so hard for the past hour.
This book is helping me to see a very small glimpse into your life. I have the deepest compassion for you right now, thinking of the thoughts and feelings that you must be experiencing. They are all beyond my comprehension, I just can't imagine. I feel for you, and this hard decision you are preparing to make. You are a brave woman, and mother to this child. Don't you let anyone tell you different. I commend you for the decision you are making, although I'm sure you are feeling so many mixed emotions right now, you must trust that you are doing the right thing. I'm going to assume you are weighing these decisions, and going back and forth wandering if you're doing the right things.
Just know that there are two people sitting here right now who are so happy to be the mother of this baby. Again, we don't know who you are this time, but we're praying for this baby and for you. We are so excited to give this child a home and to love of them forever! We promise to welcome this baby into our home with open arms and always know that they will be loved! We promise to be open and honest about his/her life and to give them the opportunity to meet you one day, if its their desire. We will respect whatever decision they make. We are praying for you, daily. We pray that God blesses your life, and gives you the strength to deal with what is ahead. To give you comfort and wrap His mighty arms around you when you feel empty inside. To hold you close as we hold our sweet gift from God close to us. I pray that God will bless these moments for both you and I. For our journey, preparing our home for this child, for you as you prepare your heart to say goodbye. Until that day, we're praying...
Well, that was the first letter that I wrote. We are working on a little scrapbook of letters and scripture that we plan to give the birthmother one day.
Until then, Brantley