Lord break my heart for what breaks yours!

That has been my prayer for many months now.  My prayer has been this even more so lately.  I have struggled for the past few days about what to write for this post.  I haven't had the words to put on paper... but I think I am at peace with where I am.

You see... there is a little girl that has broken me inside.  Her name is Teri Lynn!  Most of you in the adoption world have seen her face plastered on every blog by now and all across the world people are spreading the news about her.  I was moved when I first saw her face several days ago.  I broke down... I completely lost it... and I could think straight anymore!  

This is Teri Lynn, in an orphanage in the Ukraine.

This is Teri Lynn now!  After she turned 5 years old... they put children like her in mental institutions.  They are no longer treated with care or dignity... because after all... they are not "normal".  They shaved her head and you can see bumps and bruises on her face.  They leave them in cribs to urinate on themselves until someone decides to come in and change them.  Oh Lord... why has someone not saved this child from this??

Her story, her life and her future have completely broken me!  To a point in which I was ready and eager  to jump a plane and bring this little girl HOME!  Yes, you read right... HOME.  I was dead serious and I felt like she could be MY daughter!

I cried ALL night long after reading this... I couldn't forget what my eyes had seen and what I read out loud to my husband about the details of her life and where she is headed.  We both stopped with tears in our eyes and prayed so long!  The fact that she has down syndrome and no one loves her... no one is willing to call her their daughter!  Why not me???  This is what I asked myself and begged for the Lord to clarify in me!  I even went behind my husband's back and emailed the contact in hopes to receive more information about Terri Lynn.  Fortunately, I never heard back... which unfortunately... also breaks my heart.  (my husband now knows I did this... and that was wrong... I should let him lead this family!)

I was so torn... because here we have a 6 month old at home... to which our adoption isn't even final according to our state.  And here on the other end of the world is this precious child who is being treated like dirt on the ground, with no one to care or love her.  Oh Lord... please break my heart for what breaks yours!  I continue to say this over and over.  And He has!  He has broken me to a point in that I would happily go across the world and bring in her into our home and love her for the rest of her life!

Only... this is what God has called us to do.  And Lord, that breaks my heart.

I cannot understand why [we] cannot be her parents???  No one else wants her.  No one else is willing to give her a home!  She has been sitting in an orphanage her whole life and no one has yet to show her grace and give her a forever family!!!  Had you asked me a week ago... or even a year ago if we could be willing to adopt a special needs child... especially one with down syndrome... I would have politely answered... "no thank you, that is not for us."  Unfortunately though... what was really going on my mind was... are you serious... no way would I change my comfortable life and be willing to sacrifice the rest of my life to care for another.  Yes, its sad, but its true.  

But the Lord HAS broken me of that and I WOULD gladly "wreck" my comfortable world to care for this beautiful, lonely, scared and vulnerable child!  She has no one to love her, nurture her, build her up and give her the LOVE of our Jesus!  I want to be the one to do this!  Lord... why are you NOT calling our family to be the saving grace for this precious child with no hope????

Right now... I am in tears trying to put my emotions into words on this screen.  I am clueless as why... but I must trust that His plan is greater than my own.  That I must trust my husband as we walk down this path and trust that He is leaning on our Savior for the answers.  Which, I know He is!

I [we], are still coping with this.  We're praying daily for the answers, for what our role is in this story of Terri Lynn.  Praying that God will show us what to do... that He would open our eyes to SEE.  That He would lead us to this country and bring this little girl HOME [if that be HIS will for us]!  Please continue to pray for us and these challenging days.  The days of tears and sorrow for this little girl.  That if we are not the parents... that God will show the ones who are.  That He would open their hearts and their eyes to see the truth!  Lord, give this child a forever home and break those who see her, who read her story.  

To read more of her story and/or to donate to her fund through Reece's Rainbow... go HERE!

Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours!

Until then.... Brantley