My heart aches

After the beginning stages of our adoption started, my heart dramatically changed.  I realized the life I was living was not the life I wanted to continue with.  I felt like my life was selfish, and full of self accomplishment.  Competition to be the best in and through my business.  To live a life that was pleasing of myself, and the list goes on.  When I first started feeling God tug at my heart strings for orphans, and feeling as though He wanted this for our lives... I was excited.  To be honest though... I don't think I ever really believed we would move forward with it.  I had hoped we would, but wasn't really sure anything would ever come from it.  But, after many months and months of prayer and weighing tough decisions... then the attempt and getting knocked down.  I thought, yep... this isn't going to happen.  But God had this plan all set out for us and to this day... I know His timing is absolutely perfect.  I recently found out that our baby girl was conceived almost to the day of when we turned our adoption papers into Bethany.  I was overwhelmed with this knowledge, knowing that God's hands were all over this from day one!!!  

I can recall countless times when God spoke so vividly to us throughout our journey.  It was the most amazing experience we have encountered.  I couldn't be more grateful for the trials and the many many praises we shared.  Richard and I grew as husband and wife and our marriage became strengthened by the things we experienced together.  With all of this being said... I look at my life... even now... and feel like there is supposed to be more.  You know... like there is more to life than waking up every day, feeding my baby girl, rocking her, working, running errands, sleeping, etc.  I feel like God has called me... US... to so much more than that.  My life just doesn't seem purposeful right now.  Richard and I have been weighing some really tough decisions these past weeks and months.  When Katherine Grace was in the hospital and we made tough decisions there... we both agreed life is too short to sit back and not live a purposeful life for Him!

Each day... I think of ways that I can serve, that I can lead, that I can make a difference.  I think about traveling the world, doing missions, starting organizations and leading support groups, orphan care and Bible studies.  The list of possibilities are endless.  Richard and I want so badly to be in God's will... and to do what He calls us towards.  My own desires are great and all... but not without His direction.  We're praying for God's plan at this moment... for Him to open our eyes and our hearts to where ever and whatever He wants for our lives.  We pray we will be open minded and obedient to His plans.  As once again... He's more than proven His plans are absolutely astounding!!  :)  They simply amaze me each and every day.

On another note, sort of... here is my baby girl this morning!  See her MANY faces!

Until then... Brantley