This morning I am truly blessed for the friends and friendships I have. I am extremely blessed for those friends who have prayed with me, for me and encouraged me along this difficult journey! God has placed people in my life during just the right times. This past week has been very hard for both Richard and I. Struggling to hear God, struggling to find peace and even more so struggling to find joy in all of this. Satan has tried so hard to steal that joy, and he's come a little too close for comfort this past week. But God has been faithful and He is good. He has given me the comfort I've needed to get through each passing day. He has given my friends the words to pray, and the right encouragement to give... and for that I am extremely blessed.
I've said it time and time again... this journey is hard, but so worth every minute of it. This past week was by far my lowest. At this time, I won't go into details... but it has been harder than any of the weeks prior. My emotions have taken over, and a series of things took place that brought me to my knees. I have been broken and I feel at a place where God has wanted me all along. He has brought me to a place of complete surrender. A place where I thought I've been all along, but really, I haven't. He has been so good to me. I've never cried so many tears in my life (I feel confident enough to say that). I went into this journey knowing that this was the plan God had for us, and I still believe that without a doubt in my mind. I knew this would be hard, and emotional, but deep down inside, never really knew until I got to where I am now. God never said life was easy, He never promised it wouldn't be hard either. He called us to this life, and this is the life I have vowed to live.
I have been condemned for the honesty and candidness on this blog. I have also been thanked for my complete candidness on this blog. But to be honest, this blog is 100% real, and all about this journey and giving God all of the praise and all of the glory! Some say I tell a little too much, and talk a little too negative about the hard times we experience. But in all truth... If I all I ever talk about are the "good times", then Christianity as a whole would be a big lie. Being a Christ follower is the hardest commitment there is. And I am soooo proud to be standing here committed to serving and following Him! (sorry for the rant... just had to make that clear!)
So... that is where I am. I'm not saying any of these things to get pity, because I don't want it! I am saying these things to make it very clear what this journey is all about. He has brought me through so much in the past year and 1/2. So many make comments like, oh its only been 7 months, and only 2 of those have been the "wait time". Well yes, you're right... 7 months since we "officially" began this journey. But my heart has been here MUCH longer than just these 7 months. God is teaching and molding me daily. I have no clue what this next year will bring, but I'm so excited to see what He's going to teach me! Although this time has been hard, I'm trying so hard to trust His plan in full. My friend recently told me, "often just before the dawn, it is the darkest". I'm praying that is true. :)
Until then... Brantley
6 comments:
I love this post and I love that you're so honest!! I am praying my heart out for you!!!
I applaud your openness throughout this journey. It gives insight to something not everyone can relate to. Even those of us who have made the journey before (and will again) can not fully relate to what you are going through. Sure, we can empathize because we were in similar situations, but every journey is different, even those that conclude at the same destination.
Also, I think that it a wonderful way to document the journey and the love you have had for your child before this journey began. I wrote letters in a notebook to Ian everyday that we waited for his birth and then the days we waited for his adoption to be final. His birth mother wrote him a letter on his birthday as well. I have all these letters in a scrapbook. One day, when he is ready, the book will be his. This blog is quite similar for Baby Freeman. :)
Brantley,
I continue to keep up with your blog. I want to share with you that once your baby arrives you will be able to look back and see every little detail that God put in place to get you there. One of those may even be from the day before. God has certainly molded my heart through our journey to foster care/ adoption. Satan doesn't like it at all, and he's been busy at work trying to steal, kill, and destroy. He can't change the plans of God. No matter what he thinks, he just can't. Be encouraged that God has already written your story and the story of your sweet little one. Your time will come. You are not wrong to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are being real. This is important for those who may come to your blog thinking about adoption. They need to know the road is not easy, it is long, it is hard, and it is worth it.
Joy K. http://kinardseason.blogspot.com/
Hey girl! I am praying for you...even a week of waiting can seem like forever, but His grace really is sufficient!!!!
Your honesty is the kind I look for when I am searching for blogs written by women like me, in the adoption process. If you never wrote about those difficult periods, then anyone else going through would think something was wrong with them. So keep your blog true to yourself and you cannot go wrong!
I have been following your blog for some time now, but never commented. I LOVE! ABSOLUTELY LOVE! how honest you are!!! Please don't ever stop! It takes extreme courage to be that bold and open your heart for all to see. If all we ever show people is the "pretty, everything is fine" mask, then how can God get the glory for the amamzing things He does in our life through the hard times? I agree with everything you said in your post! My husband and I have been waiting on God for 3 years for a baby and we continue to wait. At some point last year a friend of mine sent me this portion from one of her devotionals,
the most critical time when you are believing GOD for something, exercising faith in a matter, is when things are being set in motion; these are the times you cannot see anything; you do not want to quit on your faith, do not ever let your patience go because you never know what all is going on; you might be right there at the manifestation point and when your almost there is right when the devil knows it and he does everything he can to put pressure on you; that is when faith and patience come to your aid and you just do not quit. until the answer is manifest and you are living in it!!! Always remember this when you want to quit; if you have released your faith things are set in motion keep them in motion; GOD is not a man that he should lie; faith takes the answer
I wish I could give credit where credit is due, but I'm not sure where she found this. It has brought me much encouragement on the days all I can do is barely hang on! God is faithful though! and Joy does come! I might not have seen it yet, and you might not have seen it yet, but I am confident it does come! I have prayed for you in the past and I will continue to pray for you and your husband and your baby and your future.
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